never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
