Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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