Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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