Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
