I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
