i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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