the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just gift wrapped bread.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
