we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
