hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
