One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sext me about skeletons
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
