You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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