I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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