Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
