Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
