matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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