I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
