so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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