I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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