Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
