I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
