Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
