you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
