I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
