3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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