I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
