his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
