she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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