her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
