I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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