Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
