We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
