Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
