why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
