oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
