His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
