I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
