why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
