no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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