yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
