Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
