Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
