I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
