nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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