Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So much rum. So many feels.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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