At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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