I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your dad touched me again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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