If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
