His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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