Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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