I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
