I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can you bring me the toilet please
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
