Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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